


You'll never know

by fairy666tale



Series: Life after the original anime (or what I'd like it to be) [1]
Category: Saint Beast
Genre: Action/Adventure, Friendship, Hell, M/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-11-11
Updated: 2012-12-14
Packaged: 2017-11-18 10:38:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,825
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/560105
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fairy666tale/pseuds/fairy666tale
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Yuda and Ruka got banished to Hell, Rei and Shin miss them terribly. But then strange things start happening at a nearby village, and they might get a chance to get their beloved ones back.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part I: 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was one of my first fanfics on fanficton .net, so I thought I'd post it here too. I'll eventually post the sequel too ^-^ Please note that I originally began this story almost 2 years ago, so the storyline and spelling will be better in later chapters.  
> This'll be updated once a week, at least.

You'll never know.

It seemed to get harder every morning. As soon as he woke, this sharp pain inside seemed to shred him to pieces. The first thought, the first memory was also the same every morning. To the others, he kept up his happy smile, but when he woke alone in his room, there wasn't anything to shield him from this unbearable sadness.

Well, whether he wanted to or not, he had to get up. Sleepily pushing his long, purple hair out of his beautiful, doll like face, he sat up. The sun was already just visible above the trees in the distance, shining bright orange and red, making the sky look like it was on fire. It was something he always had rather enjoyed to watch. Since what happened, since Ruka and Yuda escaped from Hell and started to try and destroy Heaven, he hadn't been able to enjoy anything at all. The person he wanted to share it with the most was gone, so why would he?

Reluctantly, he got out of bed and changed clothes. Time to go and make breakfast for everyone. There had been reports about demons attacking humans again, so this would be a busy day. Better to not make his friends face that on an empty stomach. He knew that, despite the fact he was great at cooking, he probably wouldn't eat a lot. It wasn't that he didn't like his own cooking. He just hadn't been hungry for the past time.

"Geez, I have to get out of this depression," he sighed. Yeah, but that was easier said than done. Even Shin wasn't that devastated by Yuda's betrayal. Then why couldn't he just face the fact that Ruka betrayed him?

So deep into his own thoughts that he hadn't even noticed him standing there, he walked past Shin. A bit startled, he looked up when someone laid a hand on his shoulder. "Shin. G-good morning."

"Good morning, Rei." His friend smiled at him. "You looked tired last evening, so I thought I could help you making breakfast. Can I?"

"Sure, thanks." With some effort, he managed to smile back. "I was thinking of making pancakes this morning. You can set the table, if you don't mind."

"Okay." Silently, they walked to the kitchen. "Rei? Are you all right? You've been seeming a bit down lately."

"I'm fine. I've just been a bit too busy, that's all." Actually, he could never be busy enough. At least then, he wouldn't have time to think about anything. But he didn't want his friend to worry about him. Shin was probably also missing Yuda, the same way Rei missed Ruka. It wouldn't be fair to make him worry, so Rei kept his true feelings to himself. He sighed softly, trying not to think of all that. Okay, let's focus on pancakes.

Almost automatically, Rei started making the pancake batter, while Shin began to put the plates and glasses on the dining table. Outside, birds were also starting to wake up, chirping happily when Rei threw a cooled down pancake outside. Might as well feed the birds, while he was already baking. Their enthusiastic way of eating made him smile a little, like it always did.

"Do you think this will be enough?" he asked Shin, when he had done twenty pancakes, all piled up on a plate.

"Sure. I'll go tell the others breakfast is ready," Shin said, already walking out of the kitchen. Rei only nodded and sat down on one of the chairs around the table. Outside, the birds were still chirping, so that would help him to stay cheered up a little. He really didn't want to worry anyone. And he knew the half angel Kira would probably bully him with it, and he knew he couldn't take that. Either he would break down, or he would kill the blonde.

Sure, Gai would tease him too, often enough, but still that was different. He wasn't sure how, but it just felt different. He enjoyed arguing with the smaller angel now and then, but he never enjoyed Kira's pranks. He sighed. Well, Kira had been bullying him since they were just young angels. It had started as just teasing, but it had turned to real bullying really quick. While what Gai did truly was only teasing. It would still annoy him at times, but the smaller angel knew when to stop, while Kira didn't care how Rei felt.

"Rei?" he heard someone saying. With a shock he realized Goh had been talking to him for a few minutes already. "Are you okay?"

He forced a mile. "Yeah, just not completely awake yet."

"Had bad dreams?" Goh looked at him slightly worried. "You look a bit pale."

"Really, I'm fine." Quickly, Rei started eating, so Goh wouldn't keep on asking. Couldn't they just leave him be? He had to admit it felt good to know his friends cared about him, but right now, he just didn't want to talk about it. Or even think about it. So if they wouldn't ask anything, he'd probably feel better.

Everyone was chattering and eating, so soon no one seemed to notice how quiet Rei was. Good. Silently he finished eating his pancake, but didn't feel hungry for another one. They tasted good, though. Sweet, and not too thick. Cooking was something he really loved, so what he made always tasted good. Even Kira seemed to like it, though he knew the half angel would never say that to him. Kira's younger brother Maya, though, was chatting along happily, as always. Rei had always thought it was amazing, for such an unfriendly person, to have such a sweet little brother.

"Rei, can I help with dishwashing?" Shin offered.

"If you're not too busy." He hoped a little Shin had only offered it out of politeness, and would have something better to do."

"We'd better leave as soon as possible for that village from the report, so if we do the dishes together, it'll be quicker."

"Okay." So he had no choice. "Thanks."

The rest of the angels left, while Rei and Shin started clearing the table. It took them just a few minutes, and during the dishwashing, Shin asked the one thing Rei really didn't want to hear. "Do you miss Ruka that badly?"

Rei stiffened a bit, trying to come up with an answer. "Don't you miss Yuda?"

"I do." A sad smile appeared on Shin's face. "But… there's nothing I can do to help him, but to stop him. As long as he's doing what he's doing right now, he isn't the angel I became friends with."

Rei bit on his lower lip, trying to control his emotions. "Well… I guess you're right. It's just so hard to accept."

Shin sighed. "It is indeed. Just… try to take care of yourself, even if you feel bad."

Refusing to look at his friend, Rei stared at the porcelain plate he was holding. "I know."

"Then why don't you…"

"I'm fine, okay?" Rei hissed, begging his friend to stop asking.

"But…"

"I said I'm fine!" Rei snapped, feeling guilty when he saw the hurt expression on Shin's face. "S-sorry. I haven't slept too well, lately. That's all."

Shin opened his mouth to say something, but seemed to change his mind. Instead, he smiled comforting at Rei. "Sorry, I shouldn't have kept on nagging. But if you ever want to talk, I'm here for you."

Finally, a true smile decorated Rei's beautiful face. "Thank you."


	2. Part I: 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm bad at fighting scenes...

The village seemed peaceful at first sight. Small, cute little farms and houses, and a small church in the middle. Though the forest around had something threatening, rather drowning it than embracing. Rei barely looked around, but that was the one thing he noticed. It was way too threatening for some weak ghosts or demons. Could it be… Even if that would mean having to face the confrontation he was hoping so badly to avoid, he almost wished Ruka and Yuda were the ones behind this. At least he'd be able to see the white haired angel again.

"It's so quiet," Gai remarket. "Like there are no humans here."

"Strange. It's late in the morning, there should be people around working or doing the groceries." Shin looked around. "The curtains of all the houses are closed."

"Maybe there are people here after all," Goh said quietly. "Something's scaring them."

"Rei?" Shin touched Rei's slim shoulder slightly. "Could you fly above the forest, to see if you can find what caused these villagers to get so afraid?"

"Sure." Without saying anything else, Rei made his wings come out and flew off into the sky. The fresh wind on his face felt good, as always. Sighing deeply, he shut his eyes for a moment, before changing directions towards the darkest part of the forest he could see from here. From the corner of his eye, he saw his friend walking deeper into the village, trying to find any person at all. Hopefully they would find some.

Shivering, he slowed down a bit. Was it just him, or was it really getting colder? He didn't know, but he did knew he was starting to get a bad feeling about that dark spot. Something was hiding there. Something that scared the people. Something dangerous. But… strangely familiar. Though he didn't see anything but trees down there, he just felt there were other beings down there. If he wanted to meet them, well, that was an entirely different question. But he had no choice. This was his job as a Saint Beast, so he reluctantly dived down through the trees, landing carefully on the dead leaves, piling up on the ground.

This explained why it seemed darker here than in the rest of the forest. It was mid-summer. All the leaves were green. Just on this spot, an unmarked circle on the ground with a diameter of about ten feet, All the trees were dead. Really dead, all the leaves lying on the ground, rotting away. Even the wood itself seemed grey and drained of all life it once must have had had. Rei felt a cold shiver run down his spine. This was wrong. Whatever had caused this, whatever had called the demons to appear on Earth, is was strong. A lot stronger than he himself was. Feeling the sudden urge to get away from here as fast as he possibly could, he turned around.

Behind them they were crawling towards him, fangs bared. Dullish grey skin, but fierce red eyes. These demons weren't here to just watch what Rei was doing in this place. Just in time to dodge the first attack, Rei jumped away. Two others came at him, one of them tearing the skin of Rei's left arm. He winced as he felt the pain and blood. Wasn't there any way to call for his friends? Couldn't he do anything by himself? Ruka would have defeated these monsters in an instant.

Refusing to cry out for help, Rei used all the power he had in him, to fire one big blow at the demons. About half of them blew up in a sickening splash of black blood. Most of the others ran off immediately, only two of them launched one final attack at Rei, before following the others. To tired do dodge, Rei felt their claws ripping apart his shirt and scratching his upper body. Panting, he sank to his knees, trying to get calm. They were gone. He was save for now. And he had to get his friends to check out this place, for it definitely was too dangerous to do that alone. Whatever was hidden here, the demons didn't want anyone to find out.

His heart still beating rapidly, he flew off, trying hard to ignore the pain in his arm. Luckily, he immediately saw his friend walking around the empty streets of the village. While he was landing, he saw his own blood dripping on the ground, causing Shin to look up. Suddenly, everything went blurry and he felt his wings withdrawing. Begging for someone to catch him, he closed his eyes. In a second, he reopened them, feeling warm arms holding him.

"Rei?" Goh asked worriedly. "What happened? Are you okay?"

"I-I'm fine…" he mumbled, a little embarrassed for fainting. "I ran into some demons. I thing they were trying to prevent me from finding anything there."

"Where?" Gai asked, while Shin carefully examined Rei's arm.

"A spot in the forest, where all trees are dead," Rei replied. "Err, Goh? Thanks for catching me. Could you put me down now?"

"Oh, sure." Gently, Goh put him back on his feet. Rei staggered a bit, but felt he wasn't dizzy anymore. Just exhausted from using so much of his power. Shin took some bandages out of his pocket and tied them around Rei's hurt arm.

"The wound is pretty deep. Let's hope it won't get infected." Shin looked at him, still holding his arm. "Can you walk back home?"

Rei nodded. "But what about that place in the forest? Shouldn't we go check it out as soon as possible?" He didn't want them to just go back without solving anything, only because he got hurt. That would make him feel even more useless.

"Yeah, we have to help the people here!" Gai said. "They don't even dare to look out of their windows!"

"Rei, you sure you can go on?" Goh asked.

"Yes." Probably.

"But if you get too tired, we'll go back," Shin said. "Don't force yourself."

Rei tried to smile reassuringly. "I won't. But… I don't know if I can find the dark spot from the ground." But was too tired to fly again. "I think it was in that direction." He pointed at the forest south from the village. His friends followed him silently. Now he was on the ground, he could hear something strange inside the forest. Or actually, the strange thing was, that he didn't hear anything at all. It was dead quiet here, not even the sound of birds. Only a faint, dry sound of wind blowing through the leaves. It felt so unnatural, and he knew his friends felt the same. None of them liked this.

"What happened to all the animals?" Gai asked, sounding nervous.

"I think they flew," Goh answered. "Don't you feel it? Something is here. Something that's not supposed to be here."

"Or… someone." It was almost a whisper, and no one but Rei heard it. He looked at Shin, who looked back at him with a silent, scared look in his eyes. Did he mean what Rei thought he had meant? Shin didn't explain his words, so they just walked on in silence, as the threatening aura of the forest seemed to grow with every step they took. Rei almost wanted to say he was too exhausted to go on, so they could go back. But this was their job. They didn't have a choice.

A cold gust of wind blew through the forest, suddenly making all the leaves crackle. Shivering again, Rei slowed down. The others didn't notice and kept on walking in the same pace. Quickly, Rei tried to keep up with them, panting. "Hey, wait up!" His friends slowed down a bit, all of them glancing at him worriedly. Why did he always have to worry people? Embarrassed about how he felt, he looked at the ground until all of them stopped walking.

"Rei? I assume this is the spot you were talking about?" Goh asked quietly.

Rei nodded. "I don't know where the demons went, so we'd better be careful." Facing those creeps again was definitely not something he was looking forward to. He didn't see them anywhere yet, though. As a matter of fact, there wasn't anything to see anywhere. Only the circle of dead trees, but nothing more. Still, they all felt something. "It's… underneath," Rei mumbled.

"There seems to be an entrance there," Gai pointed. "Under those rocks."

As he stared at the rocks, barely noticing how his friend walked closer towards it, Rei heard some barely audible noise behind them. Startled, he turned around, looking right into the eyes of one of the eight demons he hadn't killed. "They're back!" Without looking, he knew his friends had also turned back, ready to defend themselves. When he looked at how the demons were coming towards them, Rei suddenly realized they were split up in four groups of two. This would be two against one. And he knew he wasn't fit enough after the last fight to win.

As the demons attacked, growling and with their claws aimed for the bodies of the four angels, Rei got smashed to the ground. With all the power he had left, he fired at the demons standing on him, but was barely strong enough to blow them off him. Quickly he checked the situation. Gai and Shin were having little trouble keeping unharmed, Goh had already floored one of the demons attacking him. Still, they weren't save yet, so Rei would have to fight on his own. Suddenly, one of the demons attacked him from the front, directly aiming for his chest. Just in time, he jumped backwards. Right in the claws of the other one. He couldn't help but to scream when it used it's claws to pierce his shoulders, holding him in place while the first one aimed for his chest again.

There was a loud smashing sound, and the demon exploded in blood. The one behind him also died, leaving him to collapse on the ground. Lying awkwardly half on his side, half on his stomach, Rei tried to see who had saved him. Both Shin and Goh were running towards him, while Gai finished off the last demon. Quickly he stood up, trying to act like he was fine. It didn't really work. As soon as he stood, the world seemed to start spinning, and everything went blurry. He felt his knees giving in underneath him, and then everything turned from blurry to black.


	3. Part I: 3

"Ruka…" He heard himself whispering quietly. Maybe that's what woke him up, somehow. Still a bit dizzy, he opened his eyes and saw his friends leaning over him.

"Rei? Are you okay?" Carefully, Shin whiped Rei's long hair out of his face. "You passed out."

"S-sorry," Rei mumbled, looking around. They were still in the forest, but no longer in the circle of dead trees. A relieved sigh escaped him, but he hoped his friends hadn't heard that. Slowly, the dizziness went away and he tried to sit up. Goh immediately helped him by putting his arm around Rei's slender shoulders. Gai seemed a little jealous because of that, but didn't make a comment. Still, Rei moved away as quick as he could, to sit without support. "I think it was just the pain. I'm fine." His left arm seemed to be on fire, just like his shoulders, but he tried to ignore that. "Are all the demons gone?"

"Yeah, but since you were unconscious, we thought it would be better to get away from there. Just in case some new ones would show up," Gai said.

"We didn't get the chance to get a good look at those rocks." Goh looked at Rei's pale face. "But it might be better to go home for today."

"But the people in the village…" Rei opposed.

"They can wait another day," Gai interrupted him. "It's our job to save them, but not at the cost of your life!"

With a soft sigh, Rei looked away. Great. Because he got hurt again, the people in the village would have to live in fear even longer. He felt himself shivering, though, and knew he just didn't have the strength left for another fight. Shin laid his hand on Rei's. "Can you walk?" Rei nodded silently and let Shin help him to stand up. Despite what he had said, he felt almost too tired to even take a step. But that would make him seem even more weak.

"It's a rather long walk home," Goh said. "Just tell us if you need to take a break."

"I will," Rei promised, knowing he wouldn't. Slowly, they started walking. He noticed Shin kept walking alongside him, giving him a reassuring glance every now and then. Well, at least someone would catch him if he would pass out again. He really hoped that wouldn't happen again, but the loss of blood was starting to make him feel a little sick. Refusing to let anyone notice, he kept on walking, trying to keep his breathing even. Having passed out twice today was worse enough, he certainly wasn't going to throw up in front of his friends.

"Rei?" Shin looked at him. "You look really pale."

'I just lost about ten percent of my blood, how do you want me to look?' Rei thought, a bit annoyed. "I know," he answered quietly.

"Are you sure you can go on?" Gai asked.

"I said it already, I'm fine!" Rei snapped. "Stop worrying about me!"

"Geez, sorry!" Gai snarled. "Next time we'll just leave you there!"

Rei glared at him and Gai glared back just as angry. "Calm down, both of you," Goh said. "It'll be at least half an hour until we're home, so let's keep the peace among each other."

"Sorry," both Rei and Gai mumbled.

By the time they got home, Rei only wanted to go to bed and sleep for at least a few hours. But it was already past lunch time, so he had join his friends for lunch. After eating a small piece of bread, he excused himself and went to his room. Finally, some rest. Exhausted, he dropped down on his bed. He was asleep before his head hit the pillow.

"Ruka…"Somewhere deep inside, Rei knew he was only dreaming. But he didn't want to know. Ruka was standing right there, so close to him, on the other side of this strange hallway. "Ruka!" His friend didn't seem to hear him. "Hey, Ruka! It's me!" Still no reaction, the silver haired angel just kept standing there, staring at some point on the grey wall. Desperately wanting Ruka to notice him, Rei started running towards him. And that was when the dream started to look like every cliché nightmare. He was running and running, but he couldn't get any closer to the friend he longed for so much. In fact, Ruka seemed to be moving away from him. He didn't walk away or anything, he just stood there, but still he got further and further away from Rei. "Ruka! Come back!" He started crying. "Please! Don't leave…"

"Don't leave…" The dream disappeared and the world went black.

"Eh, are you talking to me?" Gai's voice. A startled gasp escaped Rei's lips, when he opened his eyes and saw the smaller angel leaning over him. Gai chuckled at his reaction. "Goh sent me to check up on you. But you seem fine."

Well, he didn't feel fine. But that wasn't Gai's problem. "Yeah, I'm all right." He swallowed and looked away. "I'm… sorry about yelling at you, back in the forest."

"Never mind, I deserved it for lots of other things," Gai said with an amused smile. "By the way, what's for dinner?"

"Eh, don't know yet." Usually, he knew a week beforehand what he would cook for dinner. Lately, he just ran by the nearest convenience store to quickly buy something that was easy to prepare.

"Why don't you cook chicken?" Gai teased.

"In that case, I could also cook you!" Rei yelled at him. Chickens were his friends, like all birds. He couldn't cook his friends!

"I wouldn't taste good!" Gai laughed.

"Want to try that one?" Rei threatened him, sitting up to face the smaller angel.

"No thanks," Gai grinned. "But seriously, do you still have to go shopping?"

"Yes," Rei answered suspiciously. What did Gai want this time?

"Can Maya and me come with you? We wanted to buy some candy." Gai smiled at him with eyes like a puppy's, and Rei knew what would come next. "But… neither of us has any money."

"So you just want me to pay for it." Rei sighed. "Sure."

"Thanks!" Gai jumped to his feet. "Are we going right now?"

"Okay." Slowly, Rei stood up, wincing at the pain in his arm. Gai didn't notice, luckily. Still, Rei had to admit it might be a good idea to ask Shin to help him cooking tonight. "Go get Maya, I'll wait downstairs."

Gai ran off to get his friend, and Rei walked to the front door. As soon as Gai and Maya were there too, they left for the convenience store.

Much later that night, he somehow ended up almost bumping into Kira, on his way to his room. Great, just the person he liked the most. Not. And Kira, as expected, took that chance to tease him again. "Heard you fainted twice today. Are you sure you're not some overly dramatic woman?"

"Kira, don't be mean," Rei asked quietly, but already knowing the blonde wouldn't.

"Or what?" Kira asked grinning. "You're going to cry?"

"Knock it off!"

"Bitch!"

"Shut up!" Rei tried to walk past him, but the half-angel wouldn't let him. Harshly, Kira pushed him against the wall. "Ouch!" Rei grimaced from the pain in his arm. "Bastard!"

"You shut up!" Kira snapped. Rei immediately regretted calling him a bastard. He hadn't meant anything by it, but he knew Kira and Maya both got bullied in Heaven, for being partly human. "At least I'm not left by the only person in the word who actually likes me! You're just an annoying failed man! You're even less than a bitch! No wonder Ruka doesn't come back to you!"

A sharp pain crossed his chest at those words, and he felt tears burning in his eyes. "Shut up."

"Why am I even wasting my time talking to you?" Kira stamped off to his own room, leaving Rei still standing against the wall.

Fighting back his tears, Rei ran to his room. Why did he have to say that? Why did Kira always have to hurt him? Trying desperately to calm down, he sat down on his bed, facing the window and with his back towards the door. It was already getting dark outside. The sight of the sun slowly setting was a bit relaxing, but his eyes kept burning with held back tears. Stupid Kira. What had Rei ever done to him? Why did Kira hate him so much. Was it so much fun to tease him?

"Rei?" Gai again. Rei didn't respond, not trusting his voice. "Hey, don't ignore me! Geez, sometimes you're really annoying!"

That did it. He felt tears running down his cheeks and his breathing hitched. "Go away!" He could hear his own voice trembling, and it sounded just as pathetic as he felt. He didn't turn around to look, but he could hear Gai's footsteps coming closer. What was the blonde angel planning to do? Couldn't he just leave him alone? To his surprise, he suddenly felt a warm hand on his shoulder. His injured shoulder. Gasping from pain, he tensed. Quickly, Gai withdrew.

"Sorry! I forgot about your injuries." Gai sounded uncertain. "Rei? What's wrong?"

"Just go!" A small sob came out, and he knew Gai heard it.

"Hey, are you crying?" Sounding incredulous, Gai climbed over Rei's bed until he sat next to him, and could see his face. Rei didn't even bother to look away anymore. "Rei?" Gai sounded almost scared. "Rei, why are you crying?" Rei kept sobbing pitifully, embarrassed at himself, but unable to stop. "Hey, I didn't really mean it!" Gai said quickly. "You're not that annoying! I'm sorry!"

Rei stared at him bewildered. "What?"

"I was only teasing you. I didn't mean to make you cry." Gai looked at him with a guilty look on his face. "I'm really sorry."

Rei almost smiled. "It's not your fault." He let out a trembling sigh. "Kira was bullying me again."

"You normally don't cry over that." Gai still looked guilty. "Hey, you don't think I'm ever bullying you, right?"

"No." Softly, Rei leaned against him, suddenly feeling how tired he was. "You're just teasing, and that's fun. Most of the time, at least." He sighed again. "Somehow, he just always knows how to really get to me. He… said something about Ruka. That's why I was almost crying. You just came in and said that at precisely the wrong time."

"What… did he say?" Gai asked carefully.

"Just… something I've been worrying about. It's not important." Actually, he just didn't feel like talking about it. His friendship with Gai was just not the kind in which he wanted to talk about something so painfully. Maybe he could talk about it with Shin, but he didn't want to give the blue haired angel even more to worry about. Shin already had the pain of Yuda's leaving. Goh was probably thinking about what could be going on in the village, and trying to figure out how to handle that without getting attacked by demons again. Which would explain why Gai was bothering him, instead of Goh.

"Hey, why did you came here?" he asked suddenly.

"Well, Maya is already sleeping. Apparently he and Kira have spend the entire day searching for clues where their mother could be. Goh is busy about our errand with the village." Just like Rei thought. "And Shin was reading. So, since I was bored, I thought maybe you'd know something fun to do."

"And now I'm here crying." Rei smiled faintly. "Sorry."

"Hey, I'm rather with you while you are crying, than to leave you feeling like crap all alone." Gai smiled at him. "So, are you feeling better already?"

Rei nodded sleepily. "Thanks. I think I'll go to bed now."

"You're already on the bed," Gai grinned.

Rei couldn't help but to smile. "You know what I mean."

Gai stood up. "Goodnight. And don't cry again."

"I won't." Rei looked at him thankfully. "It helped to talk a bit. Goodnight."

Obviously relieved that Rei was feeling better, Gai smiled. "Goodnight."


	4. Part I: 4

That morning, Rei woke up with a start. Somehow he had managed to toss over on his side in his sleep, and ended up lying on his hurt left arm. Moaning softly from the pain, he sat up. The sun was already shining through the window, since he forgot to close the curtains last night. That late already? He hadn't even made breakfast yet! As fast as he could, he dressed himself and walked down the stairs to the kitchen. Hopefully, his fellow angels wouldn't have been waiting for too long.

"Hey, Rei!" To his surprise, he saw Shin already setting the table. "Good morning. I thought you could use some rest, so I didn't wake you. How are your injuries?"

"Good morning. My shoulders are a lot better, but I woke myself by laying on my arm." He moved it a bit, but his whole arm seemed to be swollen and stiff. "Sorry to bother you, but could you help me again with making dinner tonight?"

"Of course," Shin said, with a friendly smile. "I talked with Goh, yesterday evening, about that circle of dead trees near the village. And we thought it'd be a good idea if he'd keep the demons at a distance, together with Gai, and we could investigate that entrance beneath the rocks that Gai saw."

So they really didn't think he could fight properly, Rei thought, a bit hurt. But Shin would go with him, so it wasn't entirely based on the lack of fighting skills. Unlike him, Shin had been able to fight off the demons attacking him. Letting out a soft sigh, Rei walked over to the kitchen cabinets, taking the bread out. He didn't really feel like baking pancakes this morning, though he could do some grilled cheese sandwiches, if his arm would let him.

Shin moved discretely closer to him, as he tried to slice a piece of cheese. He needed two hands, both holding the cheese and the knife, so he had to use his left arm. Barely able to lift it high enough to get above table height, that proved to be impossible. Blushing a bit, he looked at Shin. "Err… could you please help?" Shin, who had obviously already expected that, held the cheese, so Rei could slice it using only one hand. It might have gone faster if Shin would have done it on his own, but Rei didn't want to feel entirely useless. At least he could do the grilling of the sandwiches on his own, after Shin helped his to place a pan on the stove.

"We'll need to replace the bandages on your arm, after breakfast," Shin remarked. "It seems to have been bleeding a little." There was a small stain of red blood on the white bandages indeed, where the wound had been the deepest. Rei nodded. It would hurt, no doubt about it, but he trusted Shin to be careful. If only Yuda and Ruka where still with them. Yuda could have healed this kind of injury in the blink of an eye. By the look on Shin's face, Rei could see his friend had been thinking exactly the same. He looked more sad than Rei had ever seen him showing. Maybe Shin was also hiding his pain, just like Rei tried to do.

"Shin?" he said quietly.

"Yes?" The blue haired angel tried to look casually, but he still didn't look too happy.

"You… said before that, as long as Yuda is like he is now, he's not the angel you became friends with. But…" He swallowed. "If we'd finally get to the confrontation, could you really fight him?"

Shin looked at him, a bit stunned at the sudden question. He didn't look at Rei when he finally answered. "I… don't know. I don't know if I could fight him with my powers, but I would do anything else I could do to stop him from destroying Heaven. And… could you fight Ruka?"

Rei wanted to give just as solid an answer as Shin had, but he knew he shouldn't lie to his friend. "I don't know for sure. I mean, I wouldn't just let him go on with what they're trying to do, but…" Staring through the window, lost in his thoughts, he barely noticed his surroundings anymore. "If I'd have to choose between killing him or losing the fight myself… I'd rather let him end my life." Some birds were flying by, but he didn't even look at them. "It's not like I'd be wanting live on after killing him." That last sentence was spoken so softly, he had almost been unable to hear it himself. Somehow, he knew Shin had heard him anyway.

"Rei…" Startled, he turned away from the window, when Shin gently took hold of his hand. "Please don't say such things. We should hope we can stop them without having to defeat them in a life or dead fight. And if we'll end up being unable to bring them back to the good side…" Shin didn't look at him anymore, he just gazed at an empty spot on the floor. "We'd really miss you if you'd die. So please, don't ever say that again. It scares me."

Rei closed his eyes for a moment, feeling a little lightheaded. Idiot he was. He never even considered how his friends felt about him truly. He always just thought they worried about him because he was weaker and less useful in fighting. The idea never came up to his mind that Shin would carp him so much, sometimes, because he was actually afraid of losing him. "I'm sorry. I never thought of it that way." With a sigh, he opened his eyes again. "I won't say it again. I won't even think it." Shin let go of his hand, smiling thankfully.

And then, Rei suddenly noticed the smell of cheese burning. "Oh, crap!" As fast as he could, with one hand, he lifted the pan off the fire, while Shin used a oven glove to put the grilled cheese sandwiches on the plates. "Just in time," he grinned. "Or this cheese would've been a bit too grilled."

"Well, black cheese might taste even better, right?" Rei replied, smiling faintly.

"I don't think the others would agree."

"Probably not." Feeling a bit tired, Rei leaned against the table. That wound on his arm was really starting to throb now, and it felt strangely burning. But Shin would change the bandages after breakfast, so there really wasn't any need to complain about it now.

About half an hour later, he sat on Shin's bed, next to a first aid kit, that Shin always kept in his closet. Of course there were no real medical trainings in Heaven, but Shin had read so much about absolutely everything, he could act as a doctor, if needed. So Rei allowed him access to his injured arm without any fear. Still, it did hurt when Shin started to take off the bandages, and Rei moaned almost inaudibly.

"Sorry," Shin apologized. "It'll be done soon." Rei could hear his friend gasping when the wound became fully visible. "Rei… this must hurt so much!"

A little afraid to look, Rei swallowed. Then he looked at his arm and tensed. His entire arm was red and bruised at several spots. The wound itself was almost closed, but the skin around it was swollen. At some spots, wet traces of blood were still to be seen. Getting nauseous, Rei turned away his face. Knowing how it looked, made it hurt even more, or so it seemed. And he certainly hadn't expected it to look this ugly.

"Maybe I should have stitched it," Shin mumbled, looking guilty.

"Using what?" Rei asked. "You're doing all you can, but all you have is some bandages and tape."

"That's true." Shin bit his lip, which showed how worried he was. "Rei, it looks like it's infected. If it gets worse, you might develop a fever. Or…" He didn't finish his sentence, and Rei was pretty sure he didn't even want him to. "You have to be careful when we go back to that forest. Whatever happens, whoever we may encounter, don't overexert yourself. You'll body will need all the available energy to fight the bacteria." He carefully started to put a clean bandage around Rei's arm. "I'd rather have you staying at home to rest, but I guess it's no use even asking that."

Rei just gave him a look that said enough. He wouldn't stay here doing nothing, if he had a chance of helping his friends. And besides, it could distract him from the pain in his arm. To his relief, Shin didn't nag about it, he just bandaged the wound carefully and put the first aid kit back in his closet. After that, he finally responded. "Don't forget what we talked about earlier. Don't put your life at risk any more than absolutely necessary."

"I won't," Rei promised. "Besides, I won't be alone."

"That's true." Shin smiled at him quietly. "But you never know what we might encounter." His smile seemed sad, as well as a little frightened.

The walk to the circle of dead trees alone had made Rei feel like he could collapse at any moment. And as soon as they got there, demons came crawling out of the surrounding bushes again. "Go, now!" Goh commanded, while he and Gai got ready to fight. Shin nodded and pulled Rei with him towards the rocks. Rei almost tripped, but managed to make it look like he kneeled down on purpose, so he could investigate the strange entrance in the ground.

It was so small, that only a child or really slim person could fit through it. As slim as an angel. A bit startled, he looked at Shin. His friend didn't look back, instead he leaned over to try and see the where the entrance led to. "It's too dark. But if we go in, we might get some trouble getting out again."

"But at least we could see what's inside. If I bring out my wings, they'll light op the direct surroundings," Rei said. No matter what, they wouldn't get any further with the investigation if they wouldn't check out what was hidden below here.

"Won't it hurt your arm too much?" Shin asked worriedly.

"No, it won't," Rei replied shortly. It probably would, but he refused to be the reason to not go on with the investigation. The people who lived around here deserved better than to be made this scared. Shin looked at him, but finally jumped down through the small entrance like it was a slide. A bit reluctantly, Rei followed, trying really hard not to let his injured arm hit anything.

It was a lot longer way down than Rei had expected, and he was beginning to feel a bit suffocated in this cramped space. No, he wouldn't panic. He had to act strong. Ruka wouldn't be scared, right? Still, he couldn't help to shut his eyes to not see the deep darkness surrounding him, as he slid down the cave-like slide. He felt his own breathing turning agitated, and realized he had to calm down before he would start hyperventilating. "Shin?"

"Rei! You still all right?" Shin's soft voice sounded not too far away, but still… "Rei?"

"I'm fine. Just… wondering how much further down this thing will lead us." Hoping he had managed to hide his fear, so it wouldn't show in his voice, he waited for an answer.

"I can see something shining, not too far away…" Rei heard Shin's startles gasp when he hit the ground. Only seconds later, Rei bumped into his friend's back. "Ouch." Shin coughed. "That wasn't the softest landing ever. Is your arm still alright?"

"Y-yes," Rei mumbled, looking around in shock.

The entrance had led them to a small cave, deep underground. A strange circle was carved into the rocky ground, strange signed carved within it. It seemed to radiate with a weird, red light as well as a strange, uncomfortable heat. Some king of magic seal. It seemed to drain their powers slowly, the longer he sat here, the fainter he felt. What was this place? Who had made this? And if it weakened angels, then what were they planning to use it for? Rei felt himself shivering at that last thought. Since he could mainly think of two people who would want to defeat all angels. But… it just couldn't be. Feeling desperate and strangely weak, he slumped against Shin's back. Suddenly, he felt how his friend was trembling.

"Shin… We have to get… away from here," Rei whispered, having to make a big effort to stay awake.

"I know," Even Shin's voice was trembling, as he kept staring to some place on the other side of the floor, against the wall. "Rei… look closely."

"What…" Rei looked over Shin's shoulder, and his heart seemed to freeze for a moment.

Silver feathers. Such beautiful silver feathers, probably shed when the person they belonged to flew off into another exit of this cave, right above the spot where the feathers lay. Shin couldn't fight back the effect of the magic seal any longer, and collapsed sideways to the ground. Rei felt himself falling with his friend, too far gone already to do anything about it. He noticed something besides the feathers, which left no doubts. One of the small, silver ribbons Yuda always wore around his head.

It was them. Yuda and Ruka. Rei didn't want to believe it, but as the seal weakened him so much he started to get dizzy, he realized he couldn't ignore the cold facts any longer. Their former friends had really came up with a plan to destroy Heaven. This seal was part of it. Ruka really didn't care about him anymore. As Rei slowly lost consciousness, he felt hot tears of pain burning in his eyes.


	5. Part I: 5

Feeling the fresh wind blow through his hair, he flew through the sky. Beneath him were only clouds to be seen, above him only the deep blue sky and the sun. Still, he felt so safe here. Because he knew Ruka was right behind him. Smiling happily, he looked back. Ruka flew a bit faster, until they were flying next to each other. He smiled at Rei, his eyes so beautiful and loving. And at that moment, Rei knew this had to be one of the happiest times in his life.

With a start, he woke up, staring directly into Gai's worried face. Disorientated and feeling strangely sleepy, he just stared at him. "Rei? Are you okay?" Gai's voice woke him up a little and he nodded weakly. Suddenly, it hit him that that feeling from just a moment ago had been nothing more than a dream. An empty dream. He felt like crying, but knew he'd only worry his friends even more if he would. Instead, he sat up slowly and looked around.

"How… did we get out of there? Is Shin okay?"

"It took you two so long to get out, that Goh went in to get you, and I manipulated the ground to create a ladder. And Shin woke up just before you, and he told us about… Well, the stuff you two found in that cave." Gai sighed. "But we'll discuss that later."

"Were are they?" Rei didn't see them anywhere.

"Over there." Gai pointed at a spot not that far away from them. Rei saw that Shin and Goh were talking about something. "You were still out cold, and they didn't want to disturb you."

Rei sighed. "Well, I'm fine now." Except for his arm, that felt like it was throbbing even more painfully than before. "Shouldn't we try to get through the other exit in the cave? Maybe we'll find out where they are right now."

"Yeah, but Shin said he needs to check some books first, to see how we can get past the seal safely. Or else we'll probably end up too weak to fight by the time we get out of the cave." Gai looked at Rei's arm. "Besides, you'd probably better get some rest."

Rei looked at his arm and felt himself shivering. There were traces of blood coming through the bandages again. And it seemed to have gotten even more swollen. "Rei?" He looked up and saw Shin and Goh walking towards them. The blue haired angel was a bit pale, but Rei knew he probably looked the same himself. Not just because the aftereffect of that magic seal. More because of what they found out. Yuda and Ruka. Unbelievable, that it actually were their former best friends who they'd have to stop.

Shin smiled at him, but the look in his eyes kept sad. "I'm glad you're awake."

Rei didn't bother to respond to that. "Are we going to search on tomorrow?"

"I'm going to see if I can find a way to decrease the effects of the seal. As Gai probably already told you, we'll follow the other exit tomorrow."

"But only if your arm doesn't cause you too much pain," Goh said quietly.

"It doesn't," Rei replied.

Sometime later, back in their house, he had to admit that had been a lie. Shin and Goh had gone to the library for research, Gai had took Maya to go playing in the forest, and he didn't even want to know what Kira was doing. He only hoped he wouldn't accidentally run into him, so now he was just sitting in his room, trying to think of something to do. Something which didn't involve using his injured arm, since that felt like it was on fire.

So he ended up lying on bed in his room, trying to sleep a bit. He had nothing else to do anyway, since he had bought enough food for a week yesterday. And Shin had promised to help him cooking, so he would have to wait for him anyway. With a sigh he closed his eyes, trying not to think of anything. Still, not matter how tired he was, it took him over ten minutes before he finally fell asleep. Only to wake up from a nightmare a few minutes later.

Fire, that's all what there had been. And inside it, Ruka. That's when he looked at his hand and saw the burning torch. It had been him, Rei, who had killed his most beloved friend. And that's when he had woken up, gasping for breath and tears falling down his pale cheeks. "Ruka…" Trying to calm himself down, he remembered Ruka's smiling face. No, he could never hurt his angel. No matter what he had promised to Shin, he just couldn't fight Ruka. Ever.

Still feeling his heart beating, he stood up to get some water. The house still seemed empty, though he knew Kira was in here somewhere, as well as Shin and Goh. But the last two were in the library room, so they wouldn't be don researching for a while. He suddenly felt a bit lonely. In the past, there had always been Ruka to cheer him up, talking and having fun with him. Well, he just had to keep hoping those days would come back one day. No, not just hoping. Believing.

"Geez, you again?" And unfriendly voice ripped him out of his thoughts.

"I happen to live here too, Kira," he replied, as friendly as possible. It still came out a bit annoyed.

"Did you guys find out anything?"

"Yes." But he certainly wasn't going to tell Kira about it.

Kira glared at him. "Why won't anyone tell me or Maya anything?"

"Oh, Gai probably tells Maya things. Since he's nice, unlike you." He regretted saying that the moment he said it, but he wasn't in a great mood right now. And talking to Kira didn't make him feel any better.

"Bitch!" Kira snapped. "It's not like anyone likes you, they just need you because you're a Saint Beast!"

"That's not true!" Was it?

"Then why are you alone right now?" Kira smirked at him. "It's because you're useless."

That again. "Just leave me alone," Rei asked quietly.

"Don't tell me what to do!"

"Just shut up!" Almost automatically, he pushed Kira away so he could walk past him. What he hadn't counted on, was for Kira to push him back, slamming him hard against the wall. "O-ouch!" Rei couldn't help but to whimper in pain when his left arm got between his body and the wall. It felt like it could splashed open, but he didn't feel any blood falling. "Idiot!"

"Fake angel!" Kira yelled back.

"You mean yourself! I'd wish you'd never existed!"

"That's what the whole world wishes about you!" Kira was almost screaming. "Before Yuda and Ruka get to the good side again, I hope they'll kill you!"

That felt like a slap in his face. A really hard slap. For a moment, all he could do was staring at Kira, who just glared back at him angrily. "Well, let's find out," he mumbled finally. Feeling like he was in a dream, or a nightmare, he stood up and ran off. Somewhere deep inside, he knew this was a stupid idea. Shin would probably scold him for it later. Somewhere even deeper inside, he knew that he'd be lucky if there would be a later. But all he realized right now, was that he couldn't live on like this. He had to find Ruka, and he had to find him now!

Somewhere halfway to the front door, he felt someone grabbing his arm. Nearly losing his balance, he turned around and hit the person to get free, thinking it was Kira. Only when he heard the cry of pain when he hit, he realized that it was Goh holding him, followed by Shin. "I'm sorry." Sinking to his knees, he fought to hold back his tears. "I just… I have to find him."

Goh looked at Shin for help. The blue haired angel sat down in front of Rei, placing a comforting hand on his shoulder. "We found a way, with some spells, to slow down the effect of the seal. We'll go tomorrow. And no matter how long it takes, we will find them and get them back to us. Can you wait that long?"

Rei swallowed, and softly nodded. Shin smiled at him reassuringly, and shot a glance at Rei's arm. Suddenly, he paled. "Shin? What…" Rei followed his gaze, and saw that all of the bandages around it had turned red from blood.


End file.
